oubliette blues; 8.19.2014

finding it difficult to remember a stranger summer. then again, I thought the very same the year before. and the year before that; I seem to grasp a pattern forming. though, the grasp is slippery, like my bruised fat fingers were covered in oil. and that’s what drains my drive, the grasping of it all. and it’s my fault that everything appears as this spiraling vortex to nowhere. 

apparently.

neck up I’m dangerously unknown and singularly cavernous, yet everything below is in the shape of a million jokes. too many mouths for the telling, never enough minds for the grasping.

see what I fucking did there?

come at me from a certain direction, if you want a certain telling of the fucking story. that’s my version of motherfucking string theory. 

come at me from the void, and you will find a smirk written in languages I will invent for every way to say, “NON IUBES!”

teutonic buddha (8.15.2014)

“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth”

I smile like the Buddha of late. shit, I kinda look like him too, in a hairy Teutonic sort of way. maybe it’s those leaf-shadows I mentioned before? Nah, it wasn’t the shadows, or the leaves; it was the diminutive, perfectly heart-shaped face, with those eyes and that smile of hers which made me take on the aspect of a deity in which I don’t believe, but rather his aspect in and of itself.

I smile because, at the end of the long arduous day, it is the best action I could take in lieu of current conditions. circumstances not only beyond my control, but ridiculously askew from any semblance of idyllic. 

if I seem hyperbolic, it is only due to an innate indoctrination involving appreciation for existing boons, 1st World in nature, versus diamond-hard actuality.

I smile because any other expression adorning my face betrays my darkness, my odium. Thus, in effect, betraying the love I feel towards that which is pinnacle to my continued existence. or, perhaps, my endurance of such. 

a quantity that remains unknown for days until I see that smile once again?

I smile.

oubliette blues: 6.19.2014

there is no 6 month chip for this. a body in a drainpipe. pure discard. simple math. no need to grow up in Cameroon and carry the weight of an AK-47, the greatest nation in the world has its own battlefield built right the fuck in. first world my shit-spraying ass. if simple mathematics dictate that going backward from 1 means you traipse into the negative, and if this country is what it is, than wouldn't we be, like, a -4 World Nation? we certainly do not deserve our status, because our own status quo is as imbalanced as a pendulum fucking hung sideways.