The Chris Martin Guide to Everlasting Love

yeah, I'm a fucking sweetheart. so fucking sweet, in fact, that I've stopped masturbating due to fucking lack of interest. I don't have a love-life, so much as an abstinence-life, briefly interrupted by sex every 5 or 6 years. and now those odds are held firmly in question due to the fact that I'm a tragic combination of the following list of tragic combinations:

1. I'm unemployed.

2. I'm old.

3. I'm fat.

actually, 2 and 3 can be counted together, so we're back to

3. I'm a single father. 

4. (again, connected to the last, but I'll let this one slide)     I will NEVER put anyone before my daughter.           (well,shit, I guess I should've made this #1) 

STARTING OVER:

1. I will NEVER put anyone before my daughter.

2. I'm unemployed.

3. I'm old & fat. 

4. I have a strong dislike for dogs. (my daughter has a dog at her mother's house. where it goddamn belongs.)

5. I tend to not be fond of pets in general, honestly. Unless it's a ball python, they're supercute.

6. and I can't stress this enough: I HATE SPORTS. 

7. unless it's a Rapids game, but everybody hates soccer, so why fucking bother.

8. I am weird.

9. Seriously, I am totally fucking strange.

10. I love ABBA. 

11. I'm 40% gay. which means that I would toss you into a pit full of eels if I was presented with the opportunity to give Stephen Amell a sloppy BJ. 

12. my gag reflex is unparalleled. 

13. I read all the DUNE books...

...you fucking get the point.

  

ugly people fucking [written 2.6.2014]

MEN ALWAYS WAKE UP FIRST. AT LEAST, THAT’S WHAT KNOWLEDGE ONE CAN GLEAN FROM WATCHING TOO MANY ROMANTIC COMEDIES. 

Keep telling yourself, he thought, as the light from the window became too bright to ignore, she is waking up to you just as much as you are waking up to her. Dust particles swim through slivers, and everything wears that nervous expectation of regret. He really wanted to do the right thing, in this scenario. He really didn’t want to be the next asshole link on a possibly unending chain. The very same kind of chain he himself had been dragging around since when he began hating his own reflection. He needed to pee…

She had been awake for at least 45 minutes before him. Trying her best to stave off both her urge to urinate, and her urge to flee. Somewhere else, like maybe the bathroom? Some personal obscurity in which she can hide, until he made his escape. Did I leave the lamp on?, she wondered, Did he see my stretch marks?

Outside, amidst the abyss which so many either take for granted, or simply ignore, there is a dreadful susurration of solitude. Everyone is lonely, in some way or another. No biochemical, genetic, scientific, nigh religious contrivance can quantify or define.

Everyone is lonely, they both thought, in some willful disregard of physics.

He sat up, the peach-colored sheet falling from his hefty frame, every so-called flaw laid bare. Simultaneously, she did the same, her breasts, heavy and awkward, on display. Too many moments met their end before a noise from the kitchen broke apart the awkwardness, like an unexpected kiss. 

She looked at him.

He looked at her.

They looked & knew that everything between them required no complication. No further definition of devotion. They were simply discomfited by their proximity. And they knew their unspoken giddiness was more common than most would believe.  

“You have eggs in your fridge?” he asks, as the morning shadows made a mockery of their reticence. 

Everyone is lonely.  

extended stay?

the land stretches far and wide. that's a given. yet, there is more land everyday. land which hasn't seen daylight in thousands of years. there is a reason for that. reason being that, for all the land meeting the sun anew, there are oceans gaining similar levels of elevation. nature is a trade-off, after all.

I hate to feel idealistic, because I am poor. ideals only work for those who can afford them. I am not a liberal, but I am not a fucking idiot either. I see the signs, even through the toxic haze of poverty, depression, alcohol-abuse and dysfunction, to realize that shit needs to change. sooner rather than later.

some of us have children, some do not. yet, we all have families, whether we are close to them or not. and some of us have fucking pets we care about. 

the ship is going down, folks. let's fix it, down to its frame.